A couple of weeks ago I had to face the reality that I am no longer “Superwoman.” I hit a brick wall on a Sunday morning. I have the habit of getting everything I can possibly think of done before noon, so that I can sit down and relax for the rest of the day. Well this particular Sunday morning something went wrong. I got really shaky. I didn’t feel well and I just felt like crap. Then I got a bad attitude. I didn’t feel like myself.
So, I took a couple of deep breaths and told my husband I needed to talk. I explained how I was feeling and he said, “I see you moving a hundred miles an hour trying to get ten things done at once. Why don’t you ask for my help?” “Tell me what you need done and I’ll do it.” I gave him a short list of four things that I would like help with and he did them in no time at all.
This same thing happened to Moses.
Exodus 18:14-15 When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that Moses was doing for the people, he asked, “What are you really accomplishing here? Why are you trying to do all this alone while everyone stands around you from morning till evening?”
I’ve always had the “Lupus or Sjogren’s is not going to get me!” “I’m going to put on my superhero cape and keep on running ahead of it.” Well that is just silly.
So, now I am developing a mindset to stop believing that I have to be the one to get everything done. This was never true in the first place, but it is just one of those things that I have thought. Now it is time to put that thinking aside and ask for help.
Why do we not ask for help?
We don’t want to appear weak. Well, I’ve got good news, we may feel exhausted and tired at times but we are not weak people. I think that we are strong! We are balancing our life and living with an autoimmune disorder. It isn’t weak to ask for help around the house. No one should be expected to do everything. And that goes for people with and without autoimmune disorders.
Try this: Decide what it is that you need help with and who would be the best person to ask for help. Does the person that you want to ask support you? Do you have a good connection with him or her? Do they have the skills to get the task done?
“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” – Ric Ocasek
We don’t want to be a burden. Burden shmurden. I love helping people and I know there are people in my life that will help me when I need it. We cannot think that about ourselves. We are not a burden when we ask for help. Many people want to help others and are waiting to be asked.
“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” Ziad K. Abdelnour
Try this: Know exactly what it is you need help with and when do you need the help? Do you need it this minute or is this something that can wait a day or two? Schedule a time to get the task done. If you have the right person for the job, then you don’t need to micro-manage them. Let them do the work, and they will probably finish sooner.
We will owe a favor. Don’t have the mindset of indebtedness when you ask for help. Instead, have a mindset of gratitude and thankfulness. Someone who truly wants to help isn’t doing it so you can pay them back in the future. They will help you because it will give them joy to help. Don’t choose someone who is known for taking people on a guilt trip. No, you want someone who is upbeat and really wants to help. Your gratitude for the help may give your friendship a boost.
Remember this, “In the same way, even though we are many individuals, Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other.” Romans 12:5
Try this: When someone has helped you and completed the task, be thankful. Have a cheerful attitude and let them know you are thankful and appreciate their help.
We may be asking for help because we really are in need. We may be having a flare that is kicking our butt. When our flares pass and we are feeling energized, then we need to pay these favors forward by being available to help others.
Action Steps: Do you try to do everything on your own and be Superwoman, or do you ask for help? Please leave your comment below.